Never Thought It Would Happen To Me…

14 Apr

I didn’t give my permission; I didn’t want anything to do with it. I had been angry about it for years and even publicly rejected the idea. I was certain that this would NEVER EVER happen to me. I couldn’t have been more wrong or further from the truth…

Tonight is just one of those nights where I find myself overwhelmed with how richly God has blessed me. Twenty-one years ago, shortly after I quit drinking and using drugs, I was a passenger in a car with a friend. We were on our way to a 12-step conference in Dallas, Texas. I remember saying to him that I really wanted to do (something specific) and commented about how sad I was that I would never be able to do that thing. He looked at me and said, “You are 15 years old. So, what if it took you 20 years to do that? You’d be… 35 years old? Big Deal!”

I remember feeling dead, and so… OLD. Literally, I had forgotten that I was only a 15 year old girl. The life that I had lived up to that point had caused me to age very quickly mentally and emotionally, and yet had stunted my mental and emotional growth at the same time! The realization that I could accomplish something was a truly incredible thought to me at that moment!

Although I began living with a little more fervor that day, something inside of me was still dead. I searched in some truly dark places for something, anything that would awaken that dead part of my soul… but to no avail.

After experiencing Satanic ritual and sexual abuse as a teenager in my Father’s home and occult recruiting and activity (from a still practicing Satanist who claimed redemption through Christ) in the church I had run to, I completely rejected the idea of God and wanted nothing at all to do with anything spiritual. I convinced myself that I was an atheist. I put a lot of time and energy into letting the rest of the world know that I didn’t believe any of that “crap” and that they were stupid to buy into any of it either.

BIG SURPRISE that I was suicidal, desperately miserable and teetering on the edge of  destruction all over again. I lived in a constant state of pain, stone cold SOBER, until 6 years ago. Six years ago, God delivered me from the suicidal and spiritually bankrupt disaster of a person I had become and began to change me into a woman that I am finally NOT ashamed to be. I have been washed clean by the blood of Christ and am being constantly used by the Creator of the Universe, for His Glory. God, thank You for Your MERCY and forgiveness. I am not ashamed to call myself a follower of Jesus Christ and make no apologies for it. I strive to live my life in a way that honors God, and though I am a sinner and FAR from perfect, I am a beautiful MASTERPIECE being molded and shaped by the Master’s hands.

I didn’t give my permission and I didn’t want anything to do with God… until that very moment that God touched me and His love and His truth EXPLODED inside my heart. I am forever changed.

Luke 12:48 …From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

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2 Responses to “Never Thought It Would Happen To Me…”

  1. Hopeannfaith April 14, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    Amazing…I have a similiar yet wholly different story. Blessings Love…
    It is so wonderful to know that our premature aging process had such a perfect plan behind that which we did not permit, yet endured!
    We were Wonderfully and Fearfully Made…you and I and … all of us!
    Blessings!

    • Daily Reprieve June 11, 2011 at 2:26 am #

      And for the countless blessings that I have received… I wouldn’t change a thing.

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