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I Remember…

6 Jun

When You protected me

When You rescued me

When You pursued me

When You challenged me

When You corrected me

When You guided me

When You taught me

When You comforted me

When You used me

When You forgave me

When You saved me

Never Thought It Would Happen To Me…

14 Apr

I didn’t give my permission; I didn’t want anything to do with it. I had been angry about it for years and even publicly rejected the idea. I was certain that this would NEVER EVER happen to me. I couldn’t have been more wrong or further from the truth…

Tonight is just one of those nights where I find myself overwhelmed with how richly God has blessed me. Twenty-one years ago, shortly after I quit drinking and using drugs, I was a passenger in a car with a friend. We were on our way to a 12-step conference in Dallas, Texas. I remember saying to him that I really wanted to do (something specific) and commented about how sad I was that I would never be able to do that thing. He looked at me and said, “You are 15 years old. So, what if it took you 20 years to do that? You’d be… 35 years old? Big Deal!”

I remember feeling dead, and so… OLD. Literally, I had forgotten that I was only a 15 year old girl. The life that I had lived up to that point had caused me to age very quickly mentally and emotionally, and yet had stunted my mental and emotional growth at the same time! The realization that I could accomplish something was a truly incredible thought to me at that moment!

Although I began living with a little more fervor that day, something inside of me was still dead. I searched in some truly dark places for something, anything that would awaken that dead part of my soul… but to no avail.

After experiencing Satanic ritual and sexual abuse as a teenager in my Father’s home and occult recruiting and activity (from a still practicing Satanist who claimed redemption through Christ) in the church I had run to, I completely rejected the idea of God and wanted nothing at all to do with anything spiritual. I convinced myself that I was an atheist. I put a lot of time and energy into letting the rest of the world know that I didn’t believe any of that “crap” and that they were stupid to buy into any of it either.

BIG SURPRISE that I was suicidal, desperately miserable and teetering on the edge of  destruction all over again. I lived in a constant state of pain, stone cold SOBER, until 6 years ago. Six years ago, God delivered me from the suicidal and spiritually bankrupt disaster of a person I had become and began to change me into a woman that I am finally NOT ashamed to be. I have been washed clean by the blood of Christ and am being constantly used by the Creator of the Universe, for His Glory. God, thank You for Your MERCY and forgiveness. I am not ashamed to call myself a follower of Jesus Christ and make no apologies for it. I strive to live my life in a way that honors God, and though I am a sinner and FAR from perfect, I am a beautiful MASTERPIECE being molded and shaped by the Master’s hands.

I didn’t give my permission and I didn’t want anything to do with God… until that very moment that God touched me and His love and His truth EXPLODED inside my heart. I am forever changed.

Luke 12:48 …From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

20 Random Things I’m Grateful For…

22 Mar

1. My cousin that is still innocent enough to play in the sand

2. Forgiveness received from a gracious God

3. Wisdom that comes from tragedy

4. Answered prayers

5. When the answer is sometimes “NO”

6. Willingness to change

7. The understanding that being victimized and being a victim are two different things

8. Reminders of how far I’ve come

9. The gift of Motherhood

10. The love of my husband

11. Every time my Gramma cries when she tells a stranger how much I mean to her

12. Little girls who still have a natural smile

13. Toes in the sand

14. A roof over my head and food in the cabinets

15. My oldest daughter’s ability to express herself through art

16. My youngest daughter’s passion for music

17. My Pastor, Craig Groeschel and his passion for Jesus and how he challenges us

18. My job and the awesome people I am blessed to work with

19. The unwavering love of a puppy

20. Q-tips

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