Tag Archives: Peace

Solitude…

30 Mar

I dream the sounds of my world begin to fade into the background… a moment of solitude- stillness and quiet.

Time of reflection, to consider, to listen… for the loving voice of my Father in Heaven.

A place free from ringing phones, t.v., noisy neighbors, family waiting for my attention. I close my eyes and see my Father smiling at me.

He comforts me with a fragrance of spring blooms in the air, the kiss of the waves washing onto the shoreline, a soft wind blowing gently through the trees.

As I take in a deep breath of the night air, a sense of peace and calm blankets the moment. I wrap myself in His presence and am refreshed.

 

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A Closer Look…

2 Feb

Sometimes, I don’t even recognize the girl I think I am. I think I am different… not different than “people” just different than I was. In some ways, good… in others, it’s questionable.

Do I like the things I like because I find them worthy of my time and energy? Or is it possible that I give these things value because you do? If you are no longer a part of my life, what is left of me? Do I exist without you… without your permission?

I used to believe that I needed permission from you to breathe in and out… that without you, my existence was pointless. I was a victim. I was a volunteer hostage. I needed you to define me. I am not angry with you. I played along. I offered myself up as a human sacrifice to your games. I was a participant in the chaos. I needed to be helpless and weak.

Not anymore…

Walking the halls of my mind, I discover new and intriguing facts about myself. The woman I thought I was, is not who I am. I do not need others to define me. Other’s acceptance of me is not a prerequisite for my own self-acceptance. What you think of me is none of my business.

I crave intimacy. I don’t need it to define me, but I really enjoy being close to people. It feels good to have someone that truly knows every detail about me, the secrets I keep from the rest of the world… the good, the bad, and the ugly. … someone I don’t have to apologize to for what I think and feel… someone I don’t have to wear a mask with.

I no longer need to believe the lie that who I am and what I feel is inferior… or wrong. I no longer need to deny any of who I am. I accept the woman I have become. I am passionate. I am interesting. I am intelligent. I am exciting. I am sexual. I am sensual. I am creative. I am gentle. I am strong. I am sensitive. Sometimes I am weak. Sometimes I am aggressive. Sometimes I want to control. Sometimes I want to control NOTHING. Sometimes I just want to be right. Sometimes I just want to be HAPPY. In all things, I hope to experience joy and bring joy to others. I am human. I will make mistakes. I am… ME. No phony… no BS. There is so much good in me, but only a choice few will have the pleasure of knowing the real woman that lies within.

I Know The Creator Of The Universe…

22 Jan

How cool is that?

That thought blows my mind! I have a deep, passionate LOVE relationship with THE ONE who created all of the beautiful and magnificent things of this world. THE ONE who placed the stars in the heavens… THE ONE who designed and knitted together every piece of DNA that exists!

The thought that HE cares about ME, loves ME, cherishes ME… that is amazing and overwhelming.

There were many years where even the thought of the supernatural made me want to vomit. I had experienced so many negative, spiritually related situations that I found myself in a place where I had turned my back on even the concept of good and evil, vowing NEVER again to acknowledge God. I had been hurt many times by “Godly” people. I was DONE… stick a fork in me.

Oh, but God is so GRACIOUS. God is so FORGIVING.

In spite of my defiance and rejection of God, HE PURSUED me. He pursued me with a deep passion. He never forced Himself on me. He just stayed right there… beside me… waiting for me to again acknowledge Him.

And OH how I wish I could express what happened in me the moment that I turned to Him and acknowledged Him… and cried out to Him. I will never be the same. Over the last several years, He has been molding me, teaching me, shaping me into the woman that He CREATED me to be. And though I still have moments or periods of defiance, He still loves me and gently encourages me to GROW.

My prayer lately has been, “Father, go into those dark places inside me where I am so weak and be strong for me. Be what I can’t be. Do what I can’t do. I am backing out of the Holy of Holies to make room for Your Spirit to come in and work in me.”

The best part of all… is that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than who I am. My Facebook status yesterday morning was a line from the song Today by Jefferson Airplane: “Today you’ll look into my eyes; I’m just not the same… To be anymore than all I am would be a lie… I’m so full of love I could burst apart and start to cry.” Those words describe me right now. I am not the same. I am what I am, yet I am willing to become what God wants me to be. I know that I am loved… not just by people, but by the most magnificent BEING that ever was and is.

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