Tag Archives: Salvation

Use Me…

31 Dec



A couple of years ago, we were challenged to write our “bucket list” of things we would want to accomplish before we die. I wrote down the top ten most important things that were in my heart at the time. One of those things, ranked somewhere around number 5 on that list was “To lead someone else to Christ.”

Honestly, I never really thought that I, of all people, would be used for something like that. After a lifetime of belligerent denial of any kind of God, I didn’t expect that God would have any desire to “USE ME” for anything except maybe poster child for how NOT to love God.

Although I didn’t believe that bucket list item would happen for me, I prayed and asked God to USE ME. Father, use me for YOUR glory. Father, use me to bring others into relationship with you. Father, use me to reach people that others may not be able to reach.

Much to my surprise… GOD USED ME.

God gave me the faith that if I would trust Him and invite people to church that normally do not attend church, share with non-believers about how God has changed me and what He has done in my life, and pray with and for people who did not have that relationship with Christ, that He would show up. As a result of my faith, I have had a front row seat to the moment of repentance and salvation for several people, watching them surrender their lives to Christ  and ask His forgiveness.

Watching that transformation take place in a couple teenager’s lives was amazing. Watching that transformation recently take place in my own brother’s life has knocked me to the floor.

GOD IS SO GOOD and I am so honored to be used.

What Is My Nile…

30 Mar

Hapi- god of the Nile: The Nile River was the center of all agricultural life in Egypt and was revered as a god and worship was not just limited to Hapi. The Nile and all of its tributaries fed the whole of Egypt and without the nourishment it provided, Egypt would surely cease to exist. Our flesh is that which gives itself nourishment and nothing but the blood of Christ can give us the real sustenance needed to survive. (source: Ron Black via Full Contact Faith)

Very easy to identify in my life… my “Nile” is friendship. That is the place from which I derive majority of my sustenance. Contact with friends is the thing I long for the most, hold as a priority, and is what I think about most throughout my day. It is where I feel my worth. It is the thing that energizes me the most.

Those friendships are what feeds me, like the Nile River fed Egypt. Now what if my “Nile” was turned to blood? What if a plague was sent to render my friendships useless or dry them up? From where would my sustenance come? It should come from my Father in Heaven. Does it? If I am honest, my answer is sometimes, but not often enough.

Why do I yearn for those relationships more than I yearn for a relationship with God? Why do I desire contact with them more than reading God’s word or prayer? The only answer I have at this moment is that those friendships typically feed my flesh. They feed my ego.

I have begun to surround myself with a group of people who feed my spirit, who encourage me to seek the Father… to find fulfillment in Him. I find when I seek first the Kingdom of God, all other things are added unto me. I thirst for nothing, because He quenches my thirst. When I turn my focus toward the face of God, he meets all of my needs and frees me up to be a servant to my friends and family instead of turning to them to meet my needs.

WHAT IS YOUR NILE?

A Closer Look…

2 Feb

Sometimes, I don’t even recognize the girl I think I am. I think I am different… not different than “people” just different than I was. In some ways, good… in others, it’s questionable.

Do I like the things I like because I find them worthy of my time and energy? Or is it possible that I give these things value because you do? If you are no longer a part of my life, what is left of me? Do I exist without you… without your permission?

I used to believe that I needed permission from you to breathe in and out… that without you, my existence was pointless. I was a victim. I was a volunteer hostage. I needed you to define me. I am not angry with you. I played along. I offered myself up as a human sacrifice to your games. I was a participant in the chaos. I needed to be helpless and weak.

Not anymore…

Walking the halls of my mind, I discover new and intriguing facts about myself. The woman I thought I was, is not who I am. I do not need others to define me. Other’s acceptance of me is not a prerequisite for my own self-acceptance. What you think of me is none of my business.

I crave intimacy. I don’t need it to define me, but I really enjoy being close to people. It feels good to have someone that truly knows every detail about me, the secrets I keep from the rest of the world… the good, the bad, and the ugly. … someone I don’t have to apologize to for what I think and feel… someone I don’t have to wear a mask with.

I no longer need to believe the lie that who I am and what I feel is inferior… or wrong. I no longer need to deny any of who I am. I accept the woman I have become. I am passionate. I am interesting. I am intelligent. I am exciting. I am sexual. I am sensual. I am creative. I am gentle. I am strong. I am sensitive. Sometimes I am weak. Sometimes I am aggressive. Sometimes I want to control. Sometimes I want to control NOTHING. Sometimes I just want to be right. Sometimes I just want to be HAPPY. In all things, I hope to experience joy and bring joy to others. I am human. I will make mistakes. I am… ME. No phony… no BS. There is so much good in me, but only a choice few will have the pleasure of knowing the real woman that lies within.

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