Tag Archives: Wives

Forgiveness…

23 Feb

Nothing soothes me like your touch…
I hate how vulnerable you make me…
Does this kiss feel like the kiss of someone that doesn’t love you?
Does this embrace feel like the embrace of someone who isn’t attracted to you?
You are MY wife…
Your heart belongs to me and no one else.

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A Closer Look…

2 Feb

Sometimes, I don’t even recognize the girl I think I am. I think I am different… not different than “people” just different than I was. In some ways, good… in others, it’s questionable.

Do I like the things I like because I find them worthy of my time and energy? Or is it possible that I give these things value because you do? If you are no longer a part of my life, what is left of me? Do I exist without you… without your permission?

I used to believe that I needed permission from you to breathe in and out… that without you, my existence was pointless. I was a victim. I was a volunteer hostage. I needed you to define me. I am not angry with you. I played along. I offered myself up as a human sacrifice to your games. I was a participant in the chaos. I needed to be helpless and weak.

Not anymore…

Walking the halls of my mind, I discover new and intriguing facts about myself. The woman I thought I was, is not who I am. I do not need others to define me. Other’s acceptance of me is not a prerequisite for my own self-acceptance. What you think of me is none of my business.

I crave intimacy. I don’t need it to define me, but I really enjoy being close to people. It feels good to have someone that truly knows every detail about me, the secrets I keep from the rest of the world… the good, the bad, and the ugly. … someone I don’t have to apologize to for what I think and feel… someone I don’t have to wear a mask with.

I no longer need to believe the lie that who I am and what I feel is inferior… or wrong. I no longer need to deny any of who I am. I accept the woman I have become. I am passionate. I am interesting. I am intelligent. I am exciting. I am sexual. I am sensual. I am creative. I am gentle. I am strong. I am sensitive. Sometimes I am weak. Sometimes I am aggressive. Sometimes I want to control. Sometimes I want to control NOTHING. Sometimes I just want to be right. Sometimes I just want to be HAPPY. In all things, I hope to experience joy and bring joy to others. I am human. I will make mistakes. I am… ME. No phony… no BS. There is so much good in me, but only a choice few will have the pleasure of knowing the real woman that lies within.

Just Because I “FEEL” It…

28 Jan

…doesn’t make it TRUE.

That is a tough statement for the average woman. Is that true for men? I don’t know. I suspect that, typically speaking, men have a tendency to react in response to their perception of the facts rather than to their feelings. Women, on the other hand, tend to react primarily based on what we are feeling.

I am learning more and more every day that I have to pay attention to what I am feeling, but evaluate and compare those feelings and thoughts with the TRUTH. I feel and think many things that are flat out lies. Lies I tell myself, lies I have been told by people who have sought to do harm, and lies gently whispered by the FATHER OF LIES. The enemy knows my weaknesses and will use every opportunity to tear me down… to steal, kill, and destroy.

In our women’s bible study tonight, one of the topics was “What has the enemy stolen from me? What has been damaged in me as a result of believing the lies?” God is amazing and always gives me new opportunities for personal growth. I am grateful for this reminder that JUST BECAUSE I FEEL IT, DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE.

What lies have you allowed yourself to believe?

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